It is one thing to learn from failures, it is another thing to pass permanent judgement on ourselves.

Too quickly, we often look backwards to a failure and say “that is me.” In such cases, isn’t our retrospection short sighted? Why look back only as far as our last failure? Why not look back beyond that failure to a time when we were supposedly “pure” and “praise worthy” and in doing so, judge ourselves approvingly?

“But there were failures before that,” you reply.

Well then, why stop there? Keep going.  The problem is, before long we find ourselves traveling all the way back to the womb and for what? Our past actions (or inactions) say more about our PAST inability to be fully AWARE and in THAT MOMENT from the past, than they will ever say about who we are NOW in THIS MOMENT.

One might next respond, “But I don’t want to forget these failures, lest I repeat them.”

I am not suggesting we forget or ignore failures, rather I am suggesting we acknowledge them, learn from them, and move on. It is possible (and preferable) to acknowledge a reality without LIVING WITH IT DAILY.

For example, I can acknowledge the reality that a bear has crept out of the woods and into my front yard, and respond appropriately; however, acknowledging the bear is NOT the same thing as inviting it in to live with me inside my cabin.  I have options…

It would be foolish to pretend the bear was not there, doing so could cost me my life.

It would be foolish to invite the bear in to live with me, doing so could cost me my life.

I could panic, and lose control of myself at the very thought of this bear in my yard, freezing up as I imagine thousands of scenarios in which this visit ends terribly.  Doing so, I might likely live my last few moments in frozen panic, as the bear slowly makes its way into my home to say “hello” with its incisors.

Alternatively, I could acknowledge, that like me, it is part of the natural world, and as such, circumstances have brought it into my front yard. It might be prudent for me to consider whether I have done something to encourage this unwanted visit.  Maybe I unintentionally “baited” or encouraged this bear to come calling.  If so then I should note the behaviors that beckoned the bear and not do them in the future, unless I want to have tea with a grizzly.

I would suggest, the best course of action is simply to acknowledge the bear, appreciate the place and purpose it has in the world, my world.  Consider what has brought it into my yard (circumstance or personal actions, intentional or not) and then take precautions to not let it inside my home.

Rather than responding to my bear with paralyzing fear or crushing guilt and dismay, it might be more prudent to simply observe the bear for a moment, note it’s presence, resolve to not invite such a visit again, while also appreciating, that in spite of my best efforts, circumstances may still bring such a visit in the future.

Having given the bear a moment of my mental space, having taken appropriate precautions, I should then focus on something else and move on.  The bear’s home is not my yard, it too will move on unless I act foolishly and invite it in, or fail to acknowledge its presence at all, and walk out to become its dinner instead.

Those things that are the “bears” in our lives need not cause us panic or guilt, and they certainly should not be invited in to live with us daily.  Acknowledge your “bears” and note what (if anything) encouraged their visit.  Once we have observed and faced our “bears”, taken prudent precautions, and come to peace that bears are just part of living… then we should GET ON WITH LIVING.

Imperfect visitors, such as bears, need not live with us daily and “imperfection” as a category need not be viewed as wholly negative.

To me, some of the most beautiful things in the world are beautiful because of their imperfection.  Often the imperfections in wood bring a natural character and beauty all its own.  The flaws in the woodgrain often have the effect of bringing focus to the beautiful grain that is strong and perfect around such flaws. This does not suggest one should seek out flaws in order to improve their “beauty” as a person, anymore than a great oak seeks out insects, weather, or genetic flaws in order to make its finished wood more beautiful.  A piece of wood, artificially and intentionally made imperfect through scarring or distressed is often seen for what it is… a fake.

In the end, in may ways, we are all great oaks.  Flaws will often appear naturally without any inducement by ourselves, and it may also be that our choice of where and how to grow might intentionally or unintentionally invite flaws. Grow wisely. Acknowledge that bears walk in the woods. But most importantly, GROW!

The growth through, and around, our imperfections is what brings beauty and strength to our grain and it will provide a stunning view, high above the bears, and the forrest floor.